Wake up Grumpy?

I peeled opened my eyelids. Morning again? As I stumbled drowsily out of bed, I recalled a quote from one of Living Waters’ tracts – “Sometimes I wake up grumpy; other times I let her sleep." Well, then today was going to be one of the rare days I’m not letting her sleep!

I thought about the long day ahead of me. Coursework, homework, assignments, preparation for various things… And what did you say? I’m supposed to cook lunch as well? Couldn’t my family just be a little more considerate? “God, why is it arranged that I have to cook today?” I pouted. “I'm overwhelmed already! Besides, well… Anyway, it’s unfair!”

And so the day started, dragging pitiful me along. Soon, I was buried (actually, not quite) under textbooks, to do lists, binders, and the like. I did each page of homework with the least passion I could un-muster. Deep down, I knew my attitude was negatively affecting those around me, but I tried to ignore that thought. Then, as you know, the clock and the stomach signaled that it was time to prepare lunch. I groaned. After all, wasn’t this the very thing that ruined my morning?

A while later, I stood before the stove, spatula in hand. As I flung the contents of the pan around (which is, by the way, a bad way to cook), I heard the voice. Not a clear, audible voice, but more like the deep impression of the still, small voice of the Holy Spirit. "Make the joy of the LORD is your strength."

"Not again!" I thought to myself. But this time, I knew better than to argue. At first, I complied rather grudgingly, muttering the words of Nehemiah 8:10 to myself. But then, His joy truly became my strength.  All of sudden, I remembered what I read during morning devotions.  It was as if God had said to me, "Because you cast your burden on  Me, I will, and am, sustaining you." (a very paraphrased version of Psalm 55:22a)

I went from wallowing in the depths of self-pity to soaring on eagle's wings! I could finally see the blessings that God had given me. Remembering one of the "challenges" I had been challenged to do whenever I was in a difficult situation, I made myself think of three things I was grateful for about the situation.



1. Other people were helping me cook lunch that day.
2. We actually have food to eat.
3. I would have something to write about on the blog :)

Unashamed

Break time. I walked across the lab where I was interning at and sat down at the empty desk. Everyone else seemed to be busy – doing experiments, research, or some other thing in their area of expertise, be it cancer or another disease. Bringing myself back to my own matters, I rummaged through the things in my backpack. Ah, forgot to bring that textbook again. Oh well, there are other things to do, I thought to myself as I pulled out the multi-paged scientific paper. Just then, I caught a glimpse of my Bible. “Read today’s Bible reading,” I heard the still small voice say. “No!” I retorted. “That would be embarrassing!”

And so the argument began. The still small voice didn’t seem to say anything, or rather, I didn’t want it to say anything, so I quickly continued. “Look, all, or almost all of the people in this lab are very academic, and I think that they would think I’m incredibly stupid and dumb to be reading out of a Bible, when I could be reading out of this nice, very intelligent looking scientific article! Reading the article would also make me look smart. And besides, the professor might walk in and he will see me, and what will he think? I might get persecuted for this, or worse, bring persecution to others!”

The still small voice picked up again. “Doesn’t the Bible say to rejoice if you’re persecuted for Jesus’ sake? If that happens, wouldn’t you consider it an honor?”

“Ok, so, fine! I’ll read it then.” I let out a sigh of near-despair. Why did that still small voice have to tell me what to do? I mean, I was thankful for it, but to obey it in reality was difficult. But in truth, I had already been convicted even while I was fuming over these thoughts.

But for now, let’s just read today’s passage and get this over with as quickly as possible. I flipped the unmistakable, well worn, black hardcover book to Mark 5-8 and started scanning the pages. Jesus raises Jairus’ daughter to life. Jesus makes the deaf to hear and the mute to speak. Jesus feeds the multitudes. “Yes, yes, yes,” I thought to myself, “these well-read stories are all good.” I was about to close my Bible as I read the last verse: “Whosoever therefore shall be ashamed of me and of my words in this adulterous and sinful generation; of him also shall the Son of man be ashamed, when he cometh in the glory of his Father with the holy angels.”

I was stunned. I read it again. Every word stabbed me to the heart. The word of God is a two-edged sword and I experienced that right then. This had to be written just for me. “Jesus forgive me! I was so wrong. Forgive me for being ashamed of You. Help me to be unashamed of You and Your words.”

I was awed. By the message Jesus gave me. And by the fact that He cared so much about me that He moved heaven and earth to give me that message. He moved heaven – He “breathed” out these words into my Bible, had the Holy Spirit talk to such a rebellious stubborn knucklehead as me, made me read just that verse that day, that hour. He moved earth – He placed me in that predominantly non-Christian lab, allowed me to have that Bible in my backpack, gave me the ability to read. He loves me. And my prayer is that I will be unashamed of Him, to the end.