I've been seeking (or rather, trying to seek) God's over certain decisions lately. And then He does speak to me - but not in the way that I would like! Instead of giving me a clear "Yes" or "No", it seems that His message is "You're on the right track. Keep waiting patiently." But I would prefer to open my Bible and see a verse in LARGE, bold print that says, "Thus saith the Lord: Regarding your decision, My answer is [either YES or NO]." Wouldn't that be easier than just plain waiting?
But waiting is just one part of it. What if He says "Yes" and I want "No"? Or what if He says "No" and I want "Yes"? Then I don't want to ask Him, because He might say the answer I dread. However, if I get the answer I want, it might be my own imagination and not His will not all! Ah!
As I was talking with my dad about this whole seeking God's will thing, he asked me if I had my own will in it (i.e. I want the answer to be yes/no).
"Of course not!" I said, confident that I had gotten over my own desires.
So he tells me a story. (Isn't that awesome?)
A couple days ago, he had seen metal storage racks for sale online at a ridiculously cheap price. Since we had been looking to buy them for a while, he sent the seller an email, asking quite a simple question. At this point there were around eighty items in stock. Very soon, the items in stock dwindled to a mere eight. Unable to wait any longer and still without a reply from the seller, he bought four racks. No more than several hours later, he found an email in his inbox, although it was not from the seller. Instead it stated that the seller was compromised (i.e. he had no items to sell, but simply ran off with the money made from "selling").
My dad went on to say that if he had not wanted to buy the items so much, he would have thought about the reason why the seller refused to reply him. However, the desire for something can easily cloud our ability to hear God.
Feeling convicted, I realized that I had a strong desire for God to answer me in a specific way. I wanted God to comply with me. Oh yes, it sure did make hearing God harder. Much harder. And yes, it made waiting so. much. harder.
It's not over yet - but God is sovereign. So now I'm learning to surrender my desires to God and wait patiently for Him.
Wait on the LORD: be of good courage, and he shall strengthen thine heart: wait, I say, on the LORD.
- Psalm 27:14
- Psalm 27:14